Putting the Grrr... in Gratitude

Aug 24, 2008

As a kid I loved the movie Shenandoah, mostly for the theme song. I watched it again recently and was moved by the following prayer, offered by Jimmie Stewart's character, at a family dinner.

Lord, we cleared this land. We plowed it, sowed it, and harvested it. We cooked the harvest. It wouldn't be here and we wouldn't be eatin' it if we hadn't done it all ourselves. We worked dog-bone hard for every crumb and morsel, but we thank you Lord just the same for the food we're about to eat. Amen.

Christians and the therapeutic community are big on an "attitude of gratitude," but their gratitude often seems misplaced. It's important to understand reality, what you actually did for yourself.

I remember years ago, when I still went to church, driving a church member to her naturalization ceremony here in L.A. I drove to pick her up, ferried her downtown to the Staples Center, paid for parking, sat through the ceremony, and later drove her to a celebration. When we got there she couldn't stop thanking Jesus for making sure she had a ride to her swearing in. Excuse me? Jesus? I was the one that drove her ass all over town.

If there is a god and that god is epitomized in Truth, with a capital "T" as Christians claim their god is, then that god would appreciate Jimmie Stewart's prayer because it's true.

Gratitude, as a principle divorced from reality, seems to ignore the very people upon whom the grateful person's blessings, or privileges, are based - often women, the poor, and people of color, not to mention one's self.

We should be aware of the wonders of daily life, but gratitude is, more often than not, a way of distancing ourselves from our own and other's contributions for these things. That said, no one sums it up like Bart Simpson, saying grace at a Thanksgiving dinner,

We paid for this ourselves, so thanks for nothing.

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